Loss of a loved one, someone so important to you, necessarily brings on grief and pain. Whenever we love deeply, the loss of that person brings on pain.
Each person will experience grief in their own way, and you need to allow yourself to have that grief. Talking with others might help; we offer a grief support group online every week at 2:00pm Eastern time. It's an open group, and you can participate any week, at https://zoom.us/j/675650599.